Mara and Kara and the Escalator of Death
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We know we said we’d be updating this more regularly, but unfortunately our phone wasn’t working for a week and then we were without power for a few days, but we’re serious now. We are starting from the 13 of March:
Friday we went into Kottayam for lessons with our professors in the morning. In the afternoon, we went to Sharon’s seminary where we got to participate in the noon prayers. We then were pulled aside by some fifth year students who wanted to take pictures of us to put in the annual newsletter. However, in order to obtain the correct action shots, we were taken on a fake tour of the grounds, which involved a lot of thoughtful staring and pointing into the distance. We then went to the mess hall, where we were served lunch by our tour guides. We also were served a drink of which the ingredients are a closely guarded secret. We took Sharon home with us, as he was able to get leave for a day to attend the Bishop’s Jubilee. He was very excited to get out of his ‘cave.’
The next morning, Shema helped us get into our saris which took a little long, so we were a bit rushed getting out of the house. Mara was in such a hurry that she somehow managed to shove two earrings in the same ear, and failed to notice her mistake until walking down to the road. While we were worried that we would be late for the memorial service, we forgot that this was India, and everybody wanders in whenever they can. We both received comments on our saris by the Bishop presiding as he blessed us with his giant golden cross, which made us fumble the appropriate responsive gesture of crossing ourselves.
After the service we went to the hall where the public meeting was taking place. Sunny put both of us on stage; though we were at least thankful we were in the second row and so were partly out of sight. The ceremony went fairly smoothly by Indian standards. Mara did a very good Vana White impersonation by receiving and holding up the first publication of the Bishop’s biography but as she was returning to her seat, her shoe got stuck underneath the chair of the emcee bishop and she had to temporarily leave it behind. Kara’s speech went without a hitch, unless you consider the fact that less than fifty people there actually understood it because apparently, she talks to fast. Sunny was very happy with how everything turned out, but because he missed his afternoon nap, that night he fell asleep on the floor while we were watching TV. Not wanting to wake him up we snuck downstairs and went to bed. The next morning, Sunny informed us that he ‘was not speaking to us’ because when we did not wake him up, he didn’t get the chance to tell us that we were going to be on TV. He said we looked good though.
We went to lessons on Sunday and returned to our Islam/Sex Ed teacher, who had way too many buttons of his shirt undone. His wife prepared chicken biriyani for us which is a traditional Muslim dish, and we enjoyed it immensely.
Monday we went down to the MMM school but discovered that they have exams from here on out, so we just popped our heads in to say hello. Instead, we spent the day working on homework and making a trip into Ranni. There, we were able to get some Pepsi (they were out of Tang unfortunately). We also made a stop by CitiTV, the local television station that had the news story about the Bishop’s Jubilee celebration. When we asked if it was possible to get a copy of the news that night, the man behind the counter gave us a very weird look and said they’d look for it. He also asked for our phone number so he could call us later when they did manage to locate it. We have yet to here back from them, but at least we can say that we were on TV. Back in The Junk, canceled our train tickets to Bangalore as we decided that we’d go to Kochi for a day instead.
Tuesday was spent doing more homework, and in the evening we went into Kozhencherry with Sunny and Gracie for some groceries. In the store, we managed to locate some Tang, and also made a small child cry. Sunny also told us that he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing when he goes to get groceries; he relies solely on Gracie to assess the kitchen’s needs. On the ride home, we told Sunny that as Mara is currently single and as half-mad Sibi is looking for a wife, he should suggest Mara as a possible bride.
Wednesday turned out to be an eventful day at the hospital. It took half the nursing staff and the entire day to assemble a wheelchair out of a plastic lawn chair and bike tires. We also witnessed a very interesting procedure, in which a lady had fluid drained from her abdominal cavity. This may have been nothing more than really cool to watch, until her sister flushed the biological waste in the one-liter bottle down the toilet. At this point, it became rather questionable, although Mara is just jealous that they have toilets that actually flush. We also correctly diagnosed a patient’s malady because of our combined knowledge of similar cases on several House episodes.
Thursday, while visiting Sunny in his shop, we stole his planner and made a list of life goals for him. They are as follows: learn to swim, visit Mara and Kara in America, save up ten lakh rupees for Shema’s dowry, and to learn to iron his own dhotis. We convinced him to let us teach him and Shema how to swim in Kochi. When we asked what he’d be wearing to swim in, he reluctantly muttered that he had ‘half-pants’ to swim in.
Friday we had a rather frustrating day at lessons, though it was almost made up for by the fact that Jose’s car was finally back in action, so he was able to drive us in for the first time in weeks. On the way home, we had Gracie ask him if he wanted to learn how to swim in Kochi the next day. The answer was an emphatic no. Then, Kara had Gracie translate the sentence “Do you have half pants?” into Malayalam for Jose, that too was a resounding no. However, we wouldn’t have been able to teach Jose anyways because he called us later on that night and informed us his car was too hot and was unable to make long trips right away.
We left at 4:30 Saturday morning with Jose’s cousin Podimon, whose car interior is covered in camouflage velvet and lit up by the colorful flashing of a plastic Jesus figurine on the dashboard. We stopped in Allopy at Shema’s friend’s parent’s house for a quick break and breakfast. We greatly entertained/frightened a small child, even though we brought a rather large piece offering of cocunuts and jackfruit. The family repaid us however by climbing onto the roof and retrieving several mangoes for us. We went to the beach where Sunny amused us by trying to write Malayalam words in the sand before the waves cleared them away. We also learned here that Sunny’s ‘half-pants’ that he said he was going to swim in were what we in American like to call speedos. We are glad that we did not end up teaching Sunny how to swim, and have decided to postpone lessons until Kerala hears about swim trunks.
We arrived in Kochi a few hours later. We met a friendly stray dog down on the beach who made friends with a crab that a fisherman dragged in. Mara also made friends with a Malayalee with a British accent, who gave her a gift of several hermit crabs, and instructed her to boil them. We got some shopping done and found some more of the ridiculous pants that we both love. We also spent some time in downtown Kochi, and discovered that it is a very large and crazy town. Normal India is crazy enough, but in a big city every thing is a million times crazier. We then met Sunny’s friend Thomas and his wife who both live in Kochi (Thomas was the father of the bride who invited us to his house at the first wedding). The whole group then proceeded to the first mall in Kerala, the Oberon Mall. There, we were amused endlessly by the amount of people who had obviously never encountered an escalator before. Sunny and Gracie found them a little tricky at first, but thankfully they didn’t embarrass themselves like the man who fell flat on his face attempting to get off of it. We found the Indian equivalent to a Borders, and bought some classical Indian music along with several Malayalam movies and a selection of Hindi movies from the discount bin all of which are probably terrible. We had a hard time dragging Sunny out of the shops, as this was the first mall he’s ever been to. Plus, it was air conditioned, which would explain why there were a large number of people who look like they came to the mall just to sit around.
We ate dinner at a restaurant and then went to Thomas’s house, where we got a chance to look at the wedding album from the wedding we went to. We were both mortified to see that we were in a large number of pictures, though we were glad to see that we are a little tanner than when we first came here. Kara is at least, Mara is just frecklier than she’s ever been in her entire life. We also discovered that Thomas has a goat, which reinvigorated our desire to buy Sunny a goat. When we tentatively asked him, we were pleasantly surprised to hear that there would be nothing else in the world that would make him happier, as long as it was a girl goat so he could breed it. We had a long car ride home, but got a chance to stop by our favorite midnight coffee joint in Mallapally.
Monday we planned on working on papers all day, but received a call from KC telling us about a Hindu festival taking place in Kottayam that involved elephants. After picking Gracie up from her school in the afternoon, we made our way into Kottayam Town, which was exploding with people and elephants. It was hard making our way through the crowd to get good photo opportunities, but by grabbing our hands and literally shoving people out of the way, Sunny and Gracie were able to get us in the position to take some close ups of the elephants. They were not, however, able to prevent us from being groped the entire way through the crowd, which explained why there were so few other women there. One particularly bold older gentleman grabbed Mara on the butt in front of Kara. Mara let out a yelp of surprise, and when Sunny whipped his head around to see what the matter was, we had to pretend it was nothing so he wouldn’t beat someone up. Eventually, Sunny ran into a local politician he knew who was mixing buttermilk with well water in the middle of an alley, and who allowed us to sneak up on a nearby rooftop to watch the festivities. This included walking through the alley, sneaking through a gate, and wandering around behind the outdoor bathroom of a private residence before climbing up the stairs in an unfinished building and crossing a small plank bridge on to the appropriate roof. From there we had a much better view of the craziness happening below, which by that point included about 20 giant rings of fire hoisted above the heads of the crowd. As the night wore on, the crowd became wilder, if possible, and we were able to witness a number of drunkards being beat by the police with bamboo sticks. Apparently police brutality is not an issue here. We were going to stay for the fireworks, but as rain looked imminent we decided to leave a little early. While making our way back through the crowd we were once again accosted by drunk older men who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, although we eventually wised to their strategies and were able to thwart a few of their attempts. It started to pour as we walked through a vegetable market in search of grapes, and we got soaked even in the few seconds it took to get to the shelter of a shop. Fortunately Podimon picked us up and spared us from having to walk home. We stopped for dinner in Mallappally and in the restaurant, the theme song from Titanic played for 20 straight minutes while we waited for our food. It was so ridiculous that it made an appropriate end to the day.
Tuesday was the last day of school for the students in the MMM school and although they were busy taking final exams, we stopped in at the beginning and end of the day to say good bye to the students. It was sad to say goodbye, but it cheered us up a little to hear them say “hasta luego” instead of the customary “tata.” After lunch we went to visit Sunny in his shop and have him arrange a rickshaw to take us into Ranni. On the way, we were horrified to watch the scooter in front of our rickshaw slowly lose control and crash into a rock wall, pinning down the driver and his daughter. Both riders escaped with minor scrapes and bruises, and the girl seemed more embarrassed that her underwear had shown when she fell. They were both well enough to wave to the white girls in the rickshaw.
Little Adventures:
-“RAIN, RAIN GO AWAY!”- a fruit vendor in the middle of Kottayam
-Everyone in India thinks that Michelle Obama is pregnant.
-On the way to Kochi, we saw a huge truck tipped over in the middle of the road. While at first we were worried it was an explosive gas of some sort, we were semi-relieved to find out that it was just tar that was covering every inch of the road and median.
Friday we went into Kottayam for lessons with our professors in the morning. In the afternoon, we went to Sharon’s seminary where we got to participate in the noon prayers. We then were pulled aside by some fifth year students who wanted to take pictures of us to put in the annual newsletter. However, in order to obtain the correct action shots, we were taken on a fake tour of the grounds, which involved a lot of thoughtful staring and pointing into the distance. We then went to the mess hall, where we were served lunch by our tour guides. We also were served a drink of which the ingredients are a closely guarded secret. We took Sharon home with us, as he was able to get leave for a day to attend the Bishop’s Jubilee. He was very excited to get out of his ‘cave.’
The next morning, Shema helped us get into our saris which took a little long, so we were a bit rushed getting out of the house. Mara was in such a hurry that she somehow managed to shove two earrings in the same ear, and failed to notice her mistake until walking down to the road. While we were worried that we would be late for the memorial service, we forgot that this was India, and everybody wanders in whenever they can. We both received comments on our saris by the Bishop presiding as he blessed us with his giant golden cross, which made us fumble the appropriate responsive gesture of crossing ourselves.
After the service we went to the hall where the public meeting was taking place. Sunny put both of us on stage; though we were at least thankful we were in the second row and so were partly out of sight. The ceremony went fairly smoothly by Indian standards. Mara did a very good Vana White impersonation by receiving and holding up the first publication of the Bishop’s biography but as she was returning to her seat, her shoe got stuck underneath the chair of the emcee bishop and she had to temporarily leave it behind. Kara’s speech went without a hitch, unless you consider the fact that less than fifty people there actually understood it because apparently, she talks to fast. Sunny was very happy with how everything turned out, but because he missed his afternoon nap, that night he fell asleep on the floor while we were watching TV. Not wanting to wake him up we snuck downstairs and went to bed. The next morning, Sunny informed us that he ‘was not speaking to us’ because when we did not wake him up, he didn’t get the chance to tell us that we were going to be on TV. He said we looked good though.
We went to lessons on Sunday and returned to our Islam/Sex Ed teacher, who had way too many buttons of his shirt undone. His wife prepared chicken biriyani for us which is a traditional Muslim dish, and we enjoyed it immensely.
Monday we went down to the MMM school but discovered that they have exams from here on out, so we just popped our heads in to say hello. Instead, we spent the day working on homework and making a trip into Ranni. There, we were able to get some Pepsi (they were out of Tang unfortunately). We also made a stop by CitiTV, the local television station that had the news story about the Bishop’s Jubilee celebration. When we asked if it was possible to get a copy of the news that night, the man behind the counter gave us a very weird look and said they’d look for it. He also asked for our phone number so he could call us later when they did manage to locate it. We have yet to here back from them, but at least we can say that we were on TV. Back in The Junk, canceled our train tickets to Bangalore as we decided that we’d go to Kochi for a day instead.
Tuesday was spent doing more homework, and in the evening we went into Kozhencherry with Sunny and Gracie for some groceries. In the store, we managed to locate some Tang, and also made a small child cry. Sunny also told us that he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing when he goes to get groceries; he relies solely on Gracie to assess the kitchen’s needs. On the ride home, we told Sunny that as Mara is currently single and as half-mad Sibi is looking for a wife, he should suggest Mara as a possible bride.
Wednesday turned out to be an eventful day at the hospital. It took half the nursing staff and the entire day to assemble a wheelchair out of a plastic lawn chair and bike tires. We also witnessed a very interesting procedure, in which a lady had fluid drained from her abdominal cavity. This may have been nothing more than really cool to watch, until her sister flushed the biological waste in the one-liter bottle down the toilet. At this point, it became rather questionable, although Mara is just jealous that they have toilets that actually flush. We also correctly diagnosed a patient’s malady because of our combined knowledge of similar cases on several House episodes.
Thursday, while visiting Sunny in his shop, we stole his planner and made a list of life goals for him. They are as follows: learn to swim, visit Mara and Kara in America, save up ten lakh rupees for Shema’s dowry, and to learn to iron his own dhotis. We convinced him to let us teach him and Shema how to swim in Kochi. When we asked what he’d be wearing to swim in, he reluctantly muttered that he had ‘half-pants’ to swim in.
Friday we had a rather frustrating day at lessons, though it was almost made up for by the fact that Jose’s car was finally back in action, so he was able to drive us in for the first time in weeks. On the way home, we had Gracie ask him if he wanted to learn how to swim in Kochi the next day. The answer was an emphatic no. Then, Kara had Gracie translate the sentence “Do you have half pants?” into Malayalam for Jose, that too was a resounding no. However, we wouldn’t have been able to teach Jose anyways because he called us later on that night and informed us his car was too hot and was unable to make long trips right away.
We left at 4:30 Saturday morning with Jose’s cousin Podimon, whose car interior is covered in camouflage velvet and lit up by the colorful flashing of a plastic Jesus figurine on the dashboard. We stopped in Allopy at Shema’s friend’s parent’s house for a quick break and breakfast. We greatly entertained/frightened a small child, even though we brought a rather large piece offering of cocunuts and jackfruit. The family repaid us however by climbing onto the roof and retrieving several mangoes for us. We went to the beach where Sunny amused us by trying to write Malayalam words in the sand before the waves cleared them away. We also learned here that Sunny’s ‘half-pants’ that he said he was going to swim in were what we in American like to call speedos. We are glad that we did not end up teaching Sunny how to swim, and have decided to postpone lessons until Kerala hears about swim trunks.
We arrived in Kochi a few hours later. We met a friendly stray dog down on the beach who made friends with a crab that a fisherman dragged in. Mara also made friends with a Malayalee with a British accent, who gave her a gift of several hermit crabs, and instructed her to boil them. We got some shopping done and found some more of the ridiculous pants that we both love. We also spent some time in downtown Kochi, and discovered that it is a very large and crazy town. Normal India is crazy enough, but in a big city every thing is a million times crazier. We then met Sunny’s friend Thomas and his wife who both live in Kochi (Thomas was the father of the bride who invited us to his house at the first wedding). The whole group then proceeded to the first mall in Kerala, the Oberon Mall. There, we were amused endlessly by the amount of people who had obviously never encountered an escalator before. Sunny and Gracie found them a little tricky at first, but thankfully they didn’t embarrass themselves like the man who fell flat on his face attempting to get off of it. We found the Indian equivalent to a Borders, and bought some classical Indian music along with several Malayalam movies and a selection of Hindi movies from the discount bin all of which are probably terrible. We had a hard time dragging Sunny out of the shops, as this was the first mall he’s ever been to. Plus, it was air conditioned, which would explain why there were a large number of people who look like they came to the mall just to sit around.
We ate dinner at a restaurant and then went to Thomas’s house, where we got a chance to look at the wedding album from the wedding we went to. We were both mortified to see that we were in a large number of pictures, though we were glad to see that we are a little tanner than when we first came here. Kara is at least, Mara is just frecklier than she’s ever been in her entire life. We also discovered that Thomas has a goat, which reinvigorated our desire to buy Sunny a goat. When we tentatively asked him, we were pleasantly surprised to hear that there would be nothing else in the world that would make him happier, as long as it was a girl goat so he could breed it. We had a long car ride home, but got a chance to stop by our favorite midnight coffee joint in Mallapally.
Monday we planned on working on papers all day, but received a call from KC telling us about a Hindu festival taking place in Kottayam that involved elephants. After picking Gracie up from her school in the afternoon, we made our way into Kottayam Town, which was exploding with people and elephants. It was hard making our way through the crowd to get good photo opportunities, but by grabbing our hands and literally shoving people out of the way, Sunny and Gracie were able to get us in the position to take some close ups of the elephants. They were not, however, able to prevent us from being groped the entire way through the crowd, which explained why there were so few other women there. One particularly bold older gentleman grabbed Mara on the butt in front of Kara. Mara let out a yelp of surprise, and when Sunny whipped his head around to see what the matter was, we had to pretend it was nothing so he wouldn’t beat someone up. Eventually, Sunny ran into a local politician he knew who was mixing buttermilk with well water in the middle of an alley, and who allowed us to sneak up on a nearby rooftop to watch the festivities. This included walking through the alley, sneaking through a gate, and wandering around behind the outdoor bathroom of a private residence before climbing up the stairs in an unfinished building and crossing a small plank bridge on to the appropriate roof. From there we had a much better view of the craziness happening below, which by that point included about 20 giant rings of fire hoisted above the heads of the crowd. As the night wore on, the crowd became wilder, if possible, and we were able to witness a number of drunkards being beat by the police with bamboo sticks. Apparently police brutality is not an issue here. We were going to stay for the fireworks, but as rain looked imminent we decided to leave a little early. While making our way back through the crowd we were once again accosted by drunk older men who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, although we eventually wised to their strategies and were able to thwart a few of their attempts. It started to pour as we walked through a vegetable market in search of grapes, and we got soaked even in the few seconds it took to get to the shelter of a shop. Fortunately Podimon picked us up and spared us from having to walk home. We stopped for dinner in Mallappally and in the restaurant, the theme song from Titanic played for 20 straight minutes while we waited for our food. It was so ridiculous that it made an appropriate end to the day.
Tuesday was the last day of school for the students in the MMM school and although they were busy taking final exams, we stopped in at the beginning and end of the day to say good bye to the students. It was sad to say goodbye, but it cheered us up a little to hear them say “hasta luego” instead of the customary “tata.” After lunch we went to visit Sunny in his shop and have him arrange a rickshaw to take us into Ranni. On the way, we were horrified to watch the scooter in front of our rickshaw slowly lose control and crash into a rock wall, pinning down the driver and his daughter. Both riders escaped with minor scrapes and bruises, and the girl seemed more embarrassed that her underwear had shown when she fell. They were both well enough to wave to the white girls in the rickshaw.
Little Adventures:
-“RAIN, RAIN GO AWAY!”- a fruit vendor in the middle of Kottayam
-Everyone in India thinks that Michelle Obama is pregnant.
-On the way to Kochi, we saw a huge truck tipped over in the middle of the road. While at first we were worried it was an explosive gas of some sort, we were semi-relieved to find out that it was just tar that was covering every inch of the road and median.
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